And the hours go by like minutes.....and the shadows come to stay.....

Finally.

I am able to blog again. Thought I will never blog anytime soon..but I guess it's easier to blog then to pick up a phone.

Well, done with the recuperating..and now makin a slow comeback. My drums lose their magic. I can't hear joy from them a month back. I have burned out, lost touch..and withered. And the hours go by like minutes.....and the shadows come to stay..... I want to give up. I can't hear God speakin'. He speaks thru my drums, but i cant hear Him anymore. Everything's like broken down. Unfairness becomes my roomate...bitterness sleeps with me...............................................................................................................but thats all past.........

Finding my way home.

Life's been rough. Life's been good.
Life's been quiet. Really quiet.

I love the night. The smell of the midnight air.




And my bass guitar is not here yet. But thank You for the wonderful sabbath....we had great fun and experience playin' for the first combine service. Glory be Yours.



∂ 12:29AM April 3rd Mon

Silent Serenity

Hey.

Enjoying the silence of the night...not really silence but the serenity of the night. Of cos i have those lovely oldies to keep me company. Why do i blog? Perhaps it's because i need to speak to someone. I am speakin thru my blog now, and it feels good. And of cos no physical being is here. Just me and my words. But it feels good.

Kinda enjoy these days of seclusion(in a way). No one to 'invade' this world of mine. This quiet world. God has been quiet. God's silence is the loudest when you need Him the most. But i am alright. I know He is always here...but He is just quiet. Ok, perhaps at this moment God and me can enjoy this silence together. Nah He gave me lovely songs for companionship. So it's good. How long will we be quiet? How long will this period of silence be? I kinda enjoy it. It serenades me. And it's good.

Music, yes, music. It's been a helpin factor lately. Havent written any songs for years. I remember i has this little excercise book during sec school days. I will faithfully wrote all my tots and inspirational words in it. I will make songs without melody. I still cant make melody now, cos i dunno how to play a guitar. This book is my personal treasure. This little indulgence of a book. All my emotions in it. It's such fun to just write songs back then. Back then I wana be the biggest rock star in my circle of musician friends. MUSIC is everything! so much faith and hope and love for it! It's wonderful 24/7 music!! Alas my ex guitarist took the book from me, sayin he will make melodies out of my words. It never came back......i never see it again. Thinkin back....i kinda miss that little book now.

I want to start writing again. I might not be good with tense, and stuff like that...but each word that i wrote represents the sentimental values from my heart...and it's that true, that precious. It ain't easy being myself sometimes. Perhaps to write is a way for me to make myself better..like blogging. I was havin this funny thought. Perhaps i will quit my job and concentrate music full time. My job has always been secondary to music....sometimes even tertiary or worse.....man, my passion fer photography is that shallow now...i am getting worried. Five years on the same job.....now i dun even feel alot for it. Am i burned out for my profession? Or is it because i can't stand the industry? Or is it music? God is still silent. Perhaps I will ask Him when we are thru with this silence........I know it will be good then.

Oh well, it's 2 AM. And theres work tomorrow..........gotta sing some lullabies and catch some sleep.

∂ 2:08AM Fri 3rd Mar 2006

Boring Day

Lets talk about my boring life today.

Haha...like usual, wake up, rushed to work. Have to see so many unfamiliar faces before i can reach my office room. I think the make up artist, hair..crew..etc, must be thinkin that i am such a snobbish person. Always that "i dun care' look. Aiyah tired mah...i have to drag myself out of bed, then take an hour plus ride to work leh..have to squeezed with the morning crowd leh....the only thing i greeted this morning is Ivon's work piece from Lasalle days...haha..i am like:" eh how come it's here!!"

I ask Jeff, "hey do we have beer in the fridge?" He must be thinkin xiao ah, it's morning lor. haha, eh kiddin can? Then there's some work i must do..think i didnt do a good job. I am like concussing tryin to figure out how to do it. I am indeed tired.But the good thing is no one is around in the studio today to 'ga jiao' me....so i can be left alone. I love the silence in the studio. love it! Like the studio is all mine!

Then knock off, go home, and slack lor. Nothin much...do abit of surfing..stoning..chatting...upload songs...and little chatting..then JC called...crap along with him. Ah boring. haha...oh i just showered....man, i forgotten to shave. Ah i look good anyways.....



∂ 28 wed feb 2006 1:09AM.........hungry lah...

HELP!

Help came in the form of good friends.

God's grace is sufficient for everything. As i am facin the consequences from my past mistakes, cant help but feelin really down. Things are a little too difficult to handle for me these days. My sleeping habit is way too jumble up. I dun think i am sleepin like a regular guy..even though i know i am not your regular guy, anyway. Have to drag myself to work. work has been cool so far. PPl have been nice and all. No sweat. Jeffrey, Boon and Co rocks! Oh and i had beer from Jeffrey's beer test shoot..finished the whole bottle by myself. BRRP! And then i was like, "hey Jeff any more beer?" "Yah there's stout in the fridge, but i need to shoot it!" Fine.

Evening is perhaps the time when i felt so lost in the crowd of hustle. Lost in the music in my ears. I got down at a totally wrong station, i dun know where i am goin...and the rain is not helpin at all. But i think God make me stop there so i can pay my friend, JC, a visit. Before long i was on my way to meet him.

JC put my whole set of problems on the table and begin to dissect all the difficulties which i am facin now, details by details. U know what, i feel like he's doin a better job than the rest. Yah sure he hasn't been to church lately, regularly..blah blah blah....but he's such a encouraging bro. And whatever reasoning did not jus comes from his heart but also base on God's teachings. And i do see his point. I really do felt better. And i can move on a little better. And i am clearer abt things. At least, he's not judgemental abt things. Like he said:"ppl can blame you for the mistakes u have make in the past, but they can never judge u!"..............thanks bro. Thank God. We had a great time sharing. And he forced me to go home.

I know i am not a perfect person. I am working on that. And if ppl want to hold me down for the mistakes i make in the past, they can do that. For I only do things and changes for God, and only thru that perspective, i can be a blessings to ppl. I am not here to please ppl. I am sorry abt my past. I am sorry abt the wrongs that i am still correcting. And i am dependant on God's ever beautiful grace for me to pull this thru. It's goin to be hard i guess. But i have to drag myself on this journey.
Yes i make mistakes, dun u? Only time will tell......i will face this bravely.

∂ 1:32AM 28th FEB TUES.

My Song

As i stand at the edge of the world
and look at what had went down
i breathe away my trouble,
but kept my problems within.

I had left a life,
but entered another.
Too soon, too beautiful.
And then it went down in flames.
In a beautiful blaze.

Now as i make my way,
to a sanctuary called loneliness
I know my prayers will be answer...
in my dreams, I am sure.
Just when things went right
Doesn't mean they're always wrong.

I had left a life,
and left another.
Too soon, too beautiful.
And i saw a new covenant,
In a beautiful rainbow.



∂
2:09 AM Tues Feb 21st

Home Sweet Home

You know I'm a dreamer
But my heart's of gold
I had to run away high
So I wouldn't come home low
Just when things went right
Doesn't mean they're always wrong
Just take this song and you'll never feel
Left all alone

Take me to your heart
Put me in your bones
Just one more night
And I'm comin' off this
Long & winding road

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home
Tonight tonight
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home

You know that I've seen
Too many romantic dreams
Up in lights, fallin' off
The silver screen

My heart's like an open book
For the whole world to read
Sometimes nothing keeps me together
At the seams

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home
Tonight tonight
I'm on my way
Just set me free
Home Sweet Home

Proverbs 31:30

"In prayer, I said, 'Lord, would you just show me if she's the right one.' And the Lord drew my attention to a verse, Proverbs 31:30. It says 'Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised.'

"I began to think, 'I'm not attracted to her because she's physically beautiful, though she is. But my primary attraction to her is that she has a relationship to God, she reverences God.' God used that to show me that it wasn't just a passing attraction."