Boring Day

Lets talk about my boring life today.

Haha...like usual, wake up, rushed to work. Have to see so many unfamiliar faces before i can reach my office room. I think the make up artist, hair..crew..etc, must be thinkin that i am such a snobbish person. Always that "i dun care' look. Aiyah tired mah...i have to drag myself out of bed, then take an hour plus ride to work leh..have to squeezed with the morning crowd leh....the only thing i greeted this morning is Ivon's work piece from Lasalle days...haha..i am like:" eh how come it's here!!"

I ask Jeff, "hey do we have beer in the fridge?" He must be thinkin xiao ah, it's morning lor. haha, eh kiddin can? Then there's some work i must do..think i didnt do a good job. I am like concussing tryin to figure out how to do it. I am indeed tired.But the good thing is no one is around in the studio today to 'ga jiao' me....so i can be left alone. I love the silence in the studio. love it! Like the studio is all mine!

Then knock off, go home, and slack lor. Nothin much...do abit of surfing..stoning..chatting...upload songs...and little chatting..then JC called...crap along with him. Ah boring. haha...oh i just showered....man, i forgotten to shave. Ah i look good anyways.....



∂ 28 wed feb 2006 1:09AM.........hungry lah...

HELP!

Help came in the form of good friends.

God's grace is sufficient for everything. As i am facin the consequences from my past mistakes, cant help but feelin really down. Things are a little too difficult to handle for me these days. My sleeping habit is way too jumble up. I dun think i am sleepin like a regular guy..even though i know i am not your regular guy, anyway. Have to drag myself to work. work has been cool so far. PPl have been nice and all. No sweat. Jeffrey, Boon and Co rocks! Oh and i had beer from Jeffrey's beer test shoot..finished the whole bottle by myself. BRRP! And then i was like, "hey Jeff any more beer?" "Yah there's stout in the fridge, but i need to shoot it!" Fine.

Evening is perhaps the time when i felt so lost in the crowd of hustle. Lost in the music in my ears. I got down at a totally wrong station, i dun know where i am goin...and the rain is not helpin at all. But i think God make me stop there so i can pay my friend, JC, a visit. Before long i was on my way to meet him.

JC put my whole set of problems on the table and begin to dissect all the difficulties which i am facin now, details by details. U know what, i feel like he's doin a better job than the rest. Yah sure he hasn't been to church lately, regularly..blah blah blah....but he's such a encouraging bro. And whatever reasoning did not jus comes from his heart but also base on God's teachings. And i do see his point. I really do felt better. And i can move on a little better. And i am clearer abt things. At least, he's not judgemental abt things. Like he said:"ppl can blame you for the mistakes u have make in the past, but they can never judge u!"..............thanks bro. Thank God. We had a great time sharing. And he forced me to go home.

I know i am not a perfect person. I am working on that. And if ppl want to hold me down for the mistakes i make in the past, they can do that. For I only do things and changes for God, and only thru that perspective, i can be a blessings to ppl. I am not here to please ppl. I am sorry abt my past. I am sorry abt the wrongs that i am still correcting. And i am dependant on God's ever beautiful grace for me to pull this thru. It's goin to be hard i guess. But i have to drag myself on this journey.
Yes i make mistakes, dun u? Only time will tell......i will face this bravely.

∂ 1:32AM 28th FEB TUES.

My Song

As i stand at the edge of the world
and look at what had went down
i breathe away my trouble,
but kept my problems within.

I had left a life,
but entered another.
Too soon, too beautiful.
And then it went down in flames.
In a beautiful blaze.

Now as i make my way,
to a sanctuary called loneliness
I know my prayers will be answer...
in my dreams, I am sure.
Just when things went right
Doesn't mean they're always wrong.

I had left a life,
and left another.
Too soon, too beautiful.
And i saw a new covenant,
In a beautiful rainbow.



∂
2:09 AM Tues Feb 21st

Home Sweet Home

You know I'm a dreamer
But my heart's of gold
I had to run away high
So I wouldn't come home low
Just when things went right
Doesn't mean they're always wrong
Just take this song and you'll never feel
Left all alone

Take me to your heart
Put me in your bones
Just one more night
And I'm comin' off this
Long & winding road

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home
Tonight tonight
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home

You know that I've seen
Too many romantic dreams
Up in lights, fallin' off
The silver screen

My heart's like an open book
For the whole world to read
Sometimes nothing keeps me together
At the seams

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home
Tonight tonight
I'm on my way
Just set me free
Home Sweet Home

Proverbs 31:30

"In prayer, I said, 'Lord, would you just show me if she's the right one.' And the Lord drew my attention to a verse, Proverbs 31:30. It says 'Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised.'

"I began to think, 'I'm not attracted to her because she's physically beautiful, though she is. But my primary attraction to her is that she has a relationship to God, she reverences God.' God used that to show me that it wasn't just a passing attraction."

God Will Make A Way

Another 3 1/2 hours talk.

There were tense moments. There were moments of agreements. Moments of sadness and hurt. Moments of little silly talkings. Moments of misunderstandings. Moments of understandings. Moment of moments....and moments of prayers.

I am sure, thru all these little discussion talk we have, we will be a step up in our mutual understandings. No doubt i was so sad and hurt at one point of time, i still believe that God will make a way. She still sound so cute. And all tension melts away. Hey, never have the intention of rushin into a relationship, but will probably take a step back from where i am now. Just want you to concentrate on your studies, as i know its important to you. Let God guide you. Let Him speak to you. Do what is pleasing to God. There might or might not be a future, but certainy our friendship must carry on. I know what to do now. Perhaps you can figure a way out for yourself.

After that first ever prayer that i said for you/us, God has lifed my anxiety and hurt and sadness. I enjoy that prayer. It takes a lot of courage to pray for you, and so glad that i did it. And hopefully i can be able to pray for you again someday. :)


God will make a way.


Goodnight.

我找你找了好久

可以彼此分享得意驕傲 不擔憂誰的心理不是味道
可以傳染給你心情不好 連說一個理由也不需要
可以直來直往提醒勸告 就算爭吵也都是為對方好
可以和你商量秘密苦惱 不害怕全世界都會知道
我找你找的好久 一個互相了解的朋友
生活有人分享的時候 快樂就變得容易許多
我找你找得好久 一個拿心來換的朋友
傷痛有人抱緊的時候 未來有什麼路不敢走




Something for Valentine's/Friendship Day!
Cheers! :)

Valentine's Day Greetings

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

Happy Valentine's n Friendship Day :)

Monday, Feb 13th

We talk on the phone for two hours straight.

Everytime we wanted to keep our conversation short, yet we can't seem to do. Hmm, of cos it always feels great to have lengthy conversations wif 'the' person. I wouldn't exchange anything in the world for that. So glad that at least on a friendship level, we can talk about alot of things in our lives. I thank God for that.

I do really feel close to her(in a subtle way). Last time i will think of this feeling as something i imagine it to be. But i am certain theres a closeness in our friendship. A kind of bonding..a young bonding....not a matured bonding, but a bonding nonetheless. I think we can jus go on and on...i really enjoy this kind of talk in the early hours.

Actually i was rather hurt in the afternoon/daytime. I do believe i am feeling better after the talk. Thrash things out. Surprisingly the present(which i always tthink is a bad idea), turns out to be......good. She likes it. I like it when she likes it. Haha! I felt relieved and joyful. Hopefully the lady in red will be wearing that gift soon...i want to see. Hah! :)

And yes i am still going ahead with that plan of surrendering her. And i do want to continue to pray for her. And yes i might stay abit further this time, but i am still gonna care for her. I am hoping that God is paving the way and i will have the wisdom to follow the path that He paved for me. I need to pray about this.

Well everything begins anew. In God there's always renewal.

Faith. Love. Hope.

Think.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline" Proverbs 1:7

Lately there were alot problems concerning BGRs in my circle of christian friends. Some of them my good friends. And i am also facing some difficulties as well. Well for some, i can say its because the problems lies in there's no room for three. Its jus he and she ,or she and he..God is not present for he is being kick out..or is he?

I dunno if i sound like being judgemental. I care for these ppl. But somehow i feel they have compromise God to a certain degree. Sometimes in their situation, its a case of self confidence and compromise. They are handling things like non christians. The focus was never on God, but on the person they want to be with...or should i say they themselves are the focus.

I care for these people. they are my friends. If you have to make a decision, be firm. If u have to sacrifice in the name of love, and for your Father, please do so. Are you hangin on to something/somebody u should not? Do u think u are the best solution for them? Aren't they too young to be in a relationship? Are they or you ready for this walk in life? Do you think you are doing the best for them? Do you think you guys can continue to be friends without takin time off to cool down? Are you leading that person on? Are you hindering that person from moving on? Are you doing something God wouldn't want you to do? Does your self-confidence gets the better of you? You think you can handle, but you can't?

Is God please....with your actions?

Think.



"the best medicine is the most bitter."

有一天我會

有些事我沒說 但我有感覺 有些事我沒說
但我知道結果 有些事我沒說　
但你有感覺 有些事我沒說 但你知道結果
有一天我會 插上翅膀飛 有一天我會　
張開雙眼看 有一天我會 見到我的夢中有誰
有一天我會 飛過世界的背
當太陽昇起的那一天 你再看我一遍
你將會發現我 所有的改變

Love Is Surrender

Think i need to do this.

Was doing alot of thinking lately. I can't explain why
i always have this feeling of uncertainty. Perhaps God
is telling me something. I have been advising ppl and
frens about surrendering. About giving up things that
are not meant for us.
I should advice myself instead. Cos i am the
one watchin the sand falling rapidly to the ground
from my tightly quenched fists.

I duno how to begin sharing this...i feel i must be
firm, and be a man of my words. When i said let go,
means let go. Basically, i felt like i went back to
square one...i am starting to do the same thing all
over again...i am starting to get close to her(no
wisdom). In fact we talked almost everyday. My hopes
went up as usual, and there i go, telling myself all i
do is to be a fren, so when she needed someone, i can
always be there. I am tryin to do things for her as a
friend, unknowingly(or knowingly) i am still attaching
myself to her life....and tryin to push her into
mine....something is gotta be done here....

I admit , i really dunno how to look at her and be
convince i will be happy enough to see her as a simple
friend. Deep down, i know i wanted us to evolve,
somehow, with God's blessing, we can be together. Man
was i so confident. I was so wrong to think this way.
Cos i believe if things are not goin to work out, or
if she happens to be with another person, i will be
crushed.
i used to think that will be the ultimate
sacrifice...that i will do my best to be there..even if
i know eventually i will be broken if things happen in
a way that i have not expect it to be..i am still
tryin to get close to her...i am not letting go....i
didnt live up to my words...i didnt live up to my
promise. I should run away and hide....and pray to God
to make this rain stop.

I am living in my dream. And now i want to be awake.

And slowly, i will sip through her life...i will be
silent. I want to be a friend again. i want to please
God, by not putting myself in jeopardy, or let Satan
have the chance to make me sin. I think i still
cherish us as friends. And i dun want to hate her for
anything. Cos i love her. And to love her is to let
go...and go away.



Love is Surrender.




" I'm wrapped, around your finger, like the ring on
your hand. I'm trapped, by your love, i'm lost, please understand......"