I blog again.

I blog again.

Kinda like staring at the computer screen for the longest time. Just blank staring wif occasional chats wif frens, very occasional.
Music had been playing over and over again.....and my work isn't half done. This is a dateline week. Friday is coming soon. Reckon to be another hectic week. I want to rest. I dun want to sleep thats all. I can't anyway wif the amount of work and other commitments to attend to. Where is my hiding place as of late? It seems to vanish into thin air. Oh man, i felt so empty. Where am I headin?

Sometimes i wonder if i have depression. I guess i think too much for my own good.
Courageous yet a the same time timid. Sometimes I am just no sure. I wish I can jus fall into a deep coma and wake up a year later..then i will grow young and i won't be able to remember anythin. Kinda like restartin the computer...everything's fresh and I have a new beginning. A new path. A new hope.

Fear has crept silently into life.

What am I sayin? Does it even makes sense? Why am i sayin all these...things has been goin on well, right? So why am i having typing out these sentiments? Something's wrong somewhere. I gotta call the mechanic, perhaps He can fix me up. He definitely can. I jus keep stalling. Who's willing to drive this car? Fix me.


Emptiness.

I think I am jus been tired. Silly me.



12:19AM Tue May 23rd

Pocky Choc

Another super packed day!

Another busy day in church. So really packed. Like theres no break @ all. I am not complaining la. I kinda enjoy this day. had a nice sharing wif Sis Charis. Yes God has been gracious to both of us. I just feel that becos of His Almighty grace, we are such great friends who can share so much and so deep. I am appreciating this friendship we have. SMU yearbook project rocks Sis! even tho we are so busy tryin to get this thingy done, I am sure it's another highlight of our wonderful friendship. :)

Pocky Choc. The days will be empty without, Simply You! Things have been wonderful til this stage. U are a source of encouragement. A great inspiration. Enjoyin this journey. Have to rely on God for guidance and strength, peace, love and JOY. The polly in my pocket....................:)


Sleep now. Dun disturb.


1:38AM Mon21stMay2006

Even tho its only like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 seconds......hi and bye!

Had a really fulfilling day!

Woke up. Its 10am. I still have alot to do for the SMU project and the meeting is due in 2 and half hrs. Rush it thru. did some nice designs, i think. Rush to SMU. Met the rest of the commitee. Cool bunch of ppl. Dudes and babes. Spend a great amount of time monkeying around the school. Got some work done too....got the stories shot. Shot the building. Shot ppl. Shot Bibi. Shot Xiaolu. Shot anyone in sight. I am Triggerhappy Mike!

Rush off for CG at ard five plus. Bought dinner. Saw Meiling. Acc her to buy dinner.Took A cab. Reach T21. GOT A PLEASANT SURPRISE @ THE LIFT....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Had bibble studies. Saw some familiar faces. Bible studies. QnA......make my way home. type sms. reply sms......my bag is so heavy. Pocky sticks on my mind. Tired. Hungry. Hee.

* Kaiwei, great job for initiating to share what u have learnt with Kaien. the Kais should help one another. Yijie, are u learning too? haha. Kaien, make sure u get ready cos i want to hear what u have learnt! Get ready wor!! haha.

** No there's no coincidence in this world. Yes, it's very nice. Even tho its only like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 seconds......hi and bye!

*** CG rocks even tho there's only 3 of us.

**** Okie i am hungry as i am typin this...i need food!!!




Sun 1:24AM 21st May 2006

Heavy Hearted

I am tired.

I have a dateline to meet and a some problems to settle.

Slept with a heavy heart. Woke up with an even heavier heart, had to drag my carcass to work. And now here i am, stoning infront of my computer, blogging my endless thoughts. If only I can be better with my words, then perhaps I will find peace in bloggin my tots. There are words and expressions in my mind. But i can't transfer them to my fingers. They just didnt have the passport to export themselves out of the body...what am i sayin?

I want to trade my heavy heart. But find it so hard to do so. Guess I wasn't brave enuff, or perhaps its just another excuse. I need prayers. I need to think right. This is weird. The spot that was never meant to be. I couldn't find the words. I couldn't find my words.

It's been crazy.



Wed 9:55AM May 17th

JOY

when I said
"My foot is slipping",
your love,
O Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great
within me, your consolation
brought joy to my soul.

Psalm 94:18-19



Indeed. God's consolation brought Joy to my soul.

♥

Have you ever wonder how it can rain so heavily one day and sunshine the next?

The significant ingredients for today:

. Roof terrace.
. Pocky Chocolate.
. The sea.
. A card that i made.
. Three handful of stones and pebbles.
. Nightbreezes.
. City Lights/skyscrappers.

Surprises are wonderful. The bus rides are wonderful.
Conversations are wonderful. Laughter are wonderful.
Smiles are wonderful. SMSes are wonderful. MSN while @ work are wonderful
Silly Jokes are wonderful. Throwing pebbles into the sea is wonderful.
Black is wonderful for this day.




誰戀愛就多障礙
死性我不想改
如我沒有你的愛
我沒法活得來
情人的存在
是我從來都志在
難在我拱手讓愛


2:43AM Tues 16 May 2006

"I wanted to be brave but I am a tired soul. There are fears and I am scared."

"I wanted to be brave but I am a tired soul. There are fears and I am scared."


Yes. Truly I don't wish to meet with same fate again. I don't want to go through another year of endless waiting and endless heart breaks. I am tired. I just can't find the strength to face that kind of same situation again. I don't want to. Things are so hopeless sometimes. And helpless too. Shades of grey covering my life. There's no distinctive path. An endless trail of searching. I have been dependant on God, I know i do/did.

Things can be so uncertain at times. Sometimes things happened so fast. Too fast to even savour the beauty of certain situations. I can't seem to grasp anythin at all. Just hate the feeling of waiting and waiting and waiting.....and waiting. Waiting for nothin. One way or another U get the blame. For being there or not being there.

There are so much fear in me.

I am just so tired. I don't know whats right or wrong anymore. What to do or not to do. What to expect or what to wait for.

I look for answers but i got more questions.

I hate to guess yet afraid to know the truth.

I need to sleep now..................


∂ 12:41AM Mon May 15th

Had a great day @ work(even tho I was scolded by boss for a small mistake), anyway I am used to it liao....in fact I was quite cheerful after been scolded. haha.

A happy day cos we are havin jammin to day. Met Kaiwei before Jamming to have lunch. She picked me up cos she jus got her driving license, cool man, but please drive carefully. Had a fast dinner and jamming commenced. We did one hr then the students come in for another 2 hrs. Jieying finally manage to learn guitar from JC. Heard from JC she's a keen learner and ask many questions. Thats nice! keep it up!!

Kaiwei, u did well for the drums. Steady steady.....keep on rollin' and rollin' and rollin', hahaha.....you make me very happy. Very glad to have u as my student. And Yijie, I like your improvement. u know what, i really appreciate your unspoken passion and do keep this up. I think u did great...continue to drum on yah! u have it there liao.....just keep it goin!! Have faith in you! :)

Had a great time suppering with the crew after that. Then i sent Jieying back, carrying my baby to her block (yah treat her well, treat my baby well)...and spent great amount of time on the phone with Bihua and JC regardin music and personal stuff. IT"S A PACKED day.........and i am lovin' it! Haha!

Oh goin to the zoo later!!! Hee:)

I think i am abit xiaoxiao @ this hour.........super crazy!!


∂ 5:21AM FRI MAY 12th

PACKED.

Had a great day @ work(even tho I was scolded by boss for a small mistake), anyway I am used to it liao....in fact I was quite cheerful after been scolded. haha.

A happy day cos we are havin jammin to day. Met Kaiwei before Jamming to have lunch. She picked me up cos she jus got her driving license, cool man, but please drive carefully. Had a fast dinner and jamming commenced. We did one hr then the students come in for another 2 hrs. Jieying finally manage to learn guitar from JC. Heard from JC she's a keen learner and ask many questions. Thats nice! keep it up!!

Kaiwei, u did well for the drums. Steady steady.....keep on rollin' and rollin' and rollin', hahaha.....you make me very happy. Very glad to have u as my student. And Yijie, I like your improvement. u know what, i really appreciate your unspoken passion and do keep this up. I think u did great...continue to drum on yah! u have it there liao.....just keep it goin!! Have faith in you! :)

Had a great time suppering with the crew after that. Then i sent Jieying back, carrying my baby to her block (yah treat her well, treat my baby well)...and spent great amount of time on the phone with Bihua and JC regardin music and personal stuff. IT"S A PACKED day.........and i am lovin' it! Haha!

Oh goin to the zoo later!!! Hee:)

I think i am abit xiaoxiao @ this hour.........super crazy!!


∂ 5:21AM FRI MAY 12th

Timetable and Programs

Its been a busy week.

Felt so drained and tired. But not in a negative way. Been spending alot of time with frens...old and new. Ok i think i shall make this entry an 'eventful' one, Yijie thanks for reminding me that my blog is not 'eventful' enuff..haha!

sunday..went out with Wenjun, Jieying and Yuhang after service. Stayed out rather late. Tired but fun. And different.

monday...slack, sleep...zzzzzzzzz

tues....meet Jieying to give wenjun a surprise @ her werkplaceas its her first day @ werk.

wed...jamming with the crew. new friends join us...Jieying and Kaien. Yijie got improvements again.

thurs.....went out with Bihua, had a really nice dinner with her. Shared alot of things. Sent her home. Come home late.

Fri...practice @ T21. Had supper with Yixiang and Yijie. Sent Yijie home.

Sat...woke up late, booked air tix for Mission trip after Yijie confirms she's goin. Went to meet Bihua for SMU Yearbook project. Had a great time. went to CG..went home early.

Sun...church service..went out with Wenjun, Liying, Kaien, Jieying, Yijie and Xinglong. shopping @ Orchard. Had dinner with Yijie and Xinglong(thanks bro for the treat) @ Fish n Co. Meet a friend after that...come home late...

Mon....meet Jieying, then Yijie for dinner @ Wenjun's workplace. Had supper with them. Took train home with Yijie.


Guys its been fun hangin out with u guys.....i have never hang out like that..perhap I am getting old liao...haha cannot keep up! Thanks!!

9th May Tues 1:20am