if u are reading this.....

I have tagboard for my blog!

Didn't even see that comin, but it brings a smile to my face when i saw it! Thanks to my super duper Padawan, without her, none of this will happened! So a hundred million thanks to you!! And also your message. I was so anxious to read my email as the studio internet was down. That email makes me think alot. And i wasn't negative at all when i read the email. Just reflected on several aspect of what went down. Anyway it still feels good to be part of monday night RAW, erm, i mean monday night jamming, sorry got carried away by wrestling.

I gotta buy a replica championship belt to match Polly's unthinkable trophies and medals collection.

Bro, if u are reading this, i am sorry for the stuff that happened. But I think we need to cool it. Let time heal, and let God reveal whats to be done.

Bro, if u are reading this, we miss you at jammings.

Bro, if u are reading this, teach me more leh....Paige is like wasting away. :)

Sis (plural), if u are reading this, thanks thanks thanks. The practice provides fun and laughter. Talentime feels like it's mine too.

Polly, if u are reading this, I love you!

Epiphone on the way baby!!

It's time to go

This is it.

I think I need to pour it all out. And so it begins.

I think I have taken crap from time to time. And I have been absorbing it and keeping it within. And not wanting to tell it cos it might affect relationship and friendship. So any unhappiness was kept within. I always have this fear of makin ppl angry, tryin to please ppl, being understanding. Giving benefits of a doubt. From time to time. And still doin it til this point of time. But enough is enough. Work has been hard. Hardly find any real friendship there. Just me and my struggles, and me keeping mum about it. Well, fine. Anyways the ppl @ work are only colleagues. So I can don't dwell so much into it. Have this feeling of getting chewed and spitted. Fine.

Anytime a friend or someone question me on things they are not even remotely understand, this puts me into a huge rage. Ignorance has a price. Where is the concern in this matter? They like to comment on something they dun understand. But where's the concern shown? Dun get me wrong. But there are ppl who are concern, and they show concern, the right way. They talk to you. They ask genuine concerning questions. And yes, they are not sacarstic. They dun make u feel like a lesser human being. C'mon, lets face it...i think to even begin questioning ppl abt certain things, I feel they should look inot their lives and look into themselves and reflect on their lives and question themselves about the way they live thier lives. Kinda make me think that these ppl are quite 'yaya' lor. Church ppl are a headache most of the time. They think they care but they continue to judge, or make ppl feel like they are been judge. Where is the love? Love doesn't comes in harsh tones or harsh words. U think bitter the better? Think twice when u want to approach ppl in bitter medicine. Sometimes you ain't no cure, but the Almighty One is. WWJD?

I have to be frank, but there are ppl who has spoken to me reflects kindness and the genuine want to help and understand things. Not that I have alot of mess that there are constantly ppl approachin me on that. No. Thses ppl, i truly appraciate. I feel respected and encourage by these folks.

My relationship. Goin strong. God has been a great part in our lives. We never left Him out of the picture. The mercy He has shown is great. We are forever grateful. Been talkin to Ying's mum, and have a greater understandin of her as well. We truly enjoy family life with her family, sometimes mine. Her kid sister and bro is such fun!! So is her dad, who is really funny and polite. And her mum and me are like best friend liao. We talk alot and have alot of mutual understanding. We hardly quarrel. We usually talk. She's such an easy goin person and she really listen when we are havin conversation. She's simple and understanding, and always take the effort to make things better and never raise her voice. Sometimes when I am down, she will take me by my hand and ease me. I guess shes the sweetest thing i have ever known. And i really do cherish her. Shes everything I have imagine a partner in life to be. She's simply..her. Thank God.

Jammings.
Got to be frank, but I want to stop jamming, soon. I have been thinking hard about it. We hardly really jam christian songs anymore. Things are messy. Esp when Weiyang left. But i understand he has his commitments, and i know i have mine. Its not cheap to jam too. I need to save and I am not enjoyin it as much. To make myself perfectly clear, i love music. But goin to jammings on every monday doesn't reflect my passion for music at all. The music at jamming is not somethin i want to do anymore. Church music is all i care. Perhaps i really don't want to play like last time. I like what i am playin for the service now, and i plan to stick to that. Back to my commitments, i think i want to spend more time on that. I know it's only once a week, but its been a dreading few weeks for me these while. If not for my students, i would just leave. Cos I am tired. And all that tension that has been building, relational problems, Polly's head been pushed(damn angry at that point)...i dun see God has anythin to do wif jammings anymore. In a way, thru my perspective, it is quite self-entertaining, self-focus, in many aspect during jammings. And i dun like it. I dunno why I am doin it, this jamming thingy. I dun understand it anymore.

So I rather be like Weiyang, when I can help, i will help. But at this age and this point of time, i think there are some things i should prioritise. I also feel there's certain dangers arise from our weekly jammings. Which is so unclear sometimes to what it really is. And i don't want Polly to go thru this either. I am beginning to think it's kinda unhealthy. Somthings are clear lah. If u see a dead-end, u detour. I appreciate some of the nicer stuff that happened during these few months, but there are also stuff i totally dislike.

I guess my work there are done. I feel like I have nothin more to give. And I am happy to see ppl playin music. And hopefully one day all these gift will be given back to serving God. And I am embarking on another music journey for myself. Yes i want to learn string instruments. And I have yet to begin actually. People have been encouraging me to step forth and learn. And it happen that I am not alone in this journey. Polly will be joining me for it, which is like another encouragement. I am not alone:)

It's time to go.

FYI

Just FYI, my co pilot and I didn't kiss.

She just told me how she feel about me, and by saying "I love you" is something beautiful for me to want to blog so when I looked back again, I will be able to remember the nice moment. And be able to savour it in the future. And it's the first time she said that to me.

Yes, yes...Mr Popular indeed.

That's not a title i want.

And FYI, the lower half of the previous blog is the lyrics to a song by Extreme.

Nothing to fuss about. Nothin in link with me and my girlfriend. Thanks so much for your concern.

Thank you.

The Precious First time.

24th July Monday 11:10 PM

Her Place.
Her words: "I love you."

The first time.........she said that. :)



'When I First Kiss You' ~ Extreme


New York City can be so pretty,
from a bird's eye view.
Because up there,
Yeah, that's where I first kissed you

A modern day romance.
A perfect performance.
Acting like two fools.
Saying silly things.
Whisper sweet nothings.
Live young lovers only do.

I was shaking.
You were breathtaking.
Like the Empire State.
My voice was so far.
Not quite Sinatra.
Singing songs so great.
The clock struck one.
The night still very young.
In the city that never sleeps.
Then a whirlwind blew.
When I first kissed you,
nearly swept me,
Swept me off my feet.

When I first kissed you.
That's when I knew,
I was in love.

Because up there,
Yeah, that's where,
I first kissed you.

John Lennon Signature Acoustic

Eh I dunno what to blog at this moment of time. Just want to type something. Fingers itchy.

A lot of books read halfway. Let me see, there's this book abt Keith Green given to me from Tim which I read halfway. 'Fit To Be Tied' has yet to be finish. I got this new book called 'Singles and Relationship', which is so apt at this point of my life, and so is Fit To BE Tied. And also the daily devotional book the YF ppl are reading right now.....cos Ying is reading, so I want to gain something from that book too. At the same time we can have daily devotional together, which we are doin right now.

I have yet to get that acoustic guitar. Very picky this time. I would say much more pickier compare to the times when I am getting my bass guitar. I was throw back and forth from my choices of Epiphone, Fender and Yamaha. Epiphone is my choice brand, and John Lennon Signature and PR50E is the two acoustic/electric I gotta have! Yah, my Fender bass amp just arrived! NICE!

So happy Iris wanted to further improve Jieying pn the piano. Hopefull fruits will bear. Jia yous to the both of u guyz!

TODAY is monday, but there will be no jammings today! Think the studio is goin to 'bai ti gong' or something la. MAybe it's due to the Hungry Ghost Thingy..i dunno. So today I shall rest. Think gonna spend alot of days goin to T21 this week. YF rehersals and also this Sunday's Baptism service and Sunday service. Wenguang was encouragin me to get the John Lennon's guitar. Yes, it's so beautiful. Oh I am the photographer for church camp this year.....mmm, sweet. Gonna do a better job this year. Hopefull it will be a beautiful experience at the camp this year.

So what should I get? Lennon's or PR50E? Or my Nissan Sunny?

Or save for 'next time'... the BIG THING?

Haha.........(I think this is a happy blog, Dear..hee..)

Woke up at the wrong side of the bed.

Woke up at the wrong side of the bed.

Didn't sleep much last night. Slept at five, woke up at eight. Didn't need that much rest, i guess.

Being zombie-ish at work is hard enuff. More stress from work. After five years in the studio, i felt like a discarded trash paper. I dun feel important at all. I think I am beginning to feel unimportant anywhere else. I feel like shit. I feel like I am an empty carcass. Fit to burn. There's no hope whatsoever. And I can't leave my post. Cos there are ppl depending on my income. Cos I have my priorities and commitments.

I remembered my 29th birthday again. Being at this age, and at this stage, in career and life, I really think I haven't achieved as much as I ought to be. I always think that a job is just a means, and being Jesus' disciple is the utmost role and the most honorable thing to do. Perhaps I wasn't wrong. But I do want to earn more for my family next time. I didn't study hard, and I am payin for it now. So what if I am hardworking? I really can't face this world head on...can I survive another five years. God, what's happening to me? Why do i feel this way?

I don't want to assist anymore. I don't want to be doin people's stuff. Yet I think I can't handle my own. What can I do?

Perhaps I should be the plain me.

Every corners i turn, there's dead-end. Every aspect of my life is ugly. I felt unappreciated.

I should just shut up, and hide away. Where no one can find me.

Being 29

My 29th birthday just passed. I am 29. The last birthday with the 2 in front. I want to believe it's a special birthday. I was really lookin forward to it. Alot of anticipation. Alot of thoughts. But quietly, 29th birthday crept pass me in a blink.
That's basically how i felt.

It's a special day....i would want to think that it is. Being 29. Spent the whole day with Dear. She is lovely.

I am thankful for all the nice messages of well wishes for me. thanks guys for typin a special message for me for this day. Thanks for the celebration too. I am thankful.

I am 29 this year.

19th birthday seems like yesterday. It's beautiful.

29th birthday.........gone.

And I love you.

Goodnight.

Never leave God out of your relationship.

The pressence of God seems really near these days.

Someone told me she didn't like reading my blog as I sounded negative most of the time. I do really think I blog better when I am down, and didn't blog deeper when I am high. That's just me I think. Living a life full of downs and sins all these while, I really wish I can blog deeper about happier times. I will try.

But happier days are just ahead.

Most of you might already know about my new relationship. It's a baby at this moment. Young, child-like, needs nurturing, alot of care and love to allow growth. Sometimes happy and bright like a playful baby. Other times like a whimpering child. Suddenly my identity has taken new roles and was thrown into so many different and difficult situations all at the same time. Who said that a loving relationship is an easy one? Nope, it's never easy. Just when you thought this someone is so similiar with you, you choose to close your eyes on the differences. Love defeats all obsticles, God's love. Realise that without God nothing works. Even if the love of two individuals is so strong, without God, we are nothing.

I am not complaining, I am not sad. I am not regretting, I am happy to be where i am right now. I am glad for the trials and test and the tears. U need rain and sun to grow. A plant can only grow with the planter's effort and love. The rain and shine provides the best lessons in life. Really looking forward for this new journey. I want to get there. We want to get there..Me, her and God. See the special thing about christian relationship, it involves a third party. When thing are down and out, God's eminence is prominant!!

Never leave God out of your relationship.

Grace

"Grace is what makes you keep checking your pocket to make sure your life with God is still there. Worship is what happens when you find out it is."

God's grace. The wonderful element that frees us all from our own sins.

We are such underserving creatures. Unworthy, and sinful. Yet not a day pass by without God's amazing grace happening in our lives. If I think of myself as super rubberband that refuse to snap after so much pull, God is a super super super rubberband that never snaps for all of us here in this world. He is always patient, and always waiting for us to speak to Him.

I cannot lift up my face to see You, for You are pure, and i am not.

Thank You for the things that make me who I am today.

Thank You for your unmeasureable Grace.

Thank You for all the tears.

Thank You for being there all these while.

We and our Families

Went to church with her in the morning. Attended chinese service today.

It was abit funny for us to walk into the service hall together. We are still not use to attend church together. I guess it's normal to feel that way. So many people. But I guess we will get used to this soon. It's another stage of our journey to get used to. We went our seperate ways as she needs to meet her frens for lunch and i have to attend a WEC debriefing. Its kinda long, the meeting. I was really drained after that. But I still meet her after the meeting. She brought me to her Grandma's place for dinner. Oh man, wasn't ready for this. There were many people there when we reached. A family gathering of sorts. Cousins, uncles and aunties were there. Her family were there. I was thankful for we were greeted with affirming smiles and teases. They were nice to me. We had a nice time there. I am glad I agree to go cos I really want to meet her family members. To get to know them. Was really dependant on her mum and bro cos they are closer to me.

After that, we went to my place as i needed to shower badly. She had sharings with my parents when i am having my shower. My mum said to her she's pretty. She's like so paiseh. Haha. I told her she's beautiful too. She help them filled up the baptism form. She did that with such sincerity. Was happy to see her mixing well with my folks. Then i showed her my Tee shirt collection. And of cos, my jacket collection. She's amazed by the amount of clothings i have, yet I didn't seem to wear them at all.

She told me I have to wait 5 years to marry her. I suggested three years. Haha....she told me her mum said she will marry me in three years time. I hope for God's blessing in this. Be it 3 or 5 years, I told her I am willing to wait.

We're in love.

Ying

Just can't fall asleep.

And I have to wake up early for church later. Sigh...haha...my mind's full of Ying at this moment. I just can't fall asleep.

Went to her place for her bro's birthday the day before. Her mum invited me. I wasn't nervous, but more like excited to meet her family. I have met and talk to her mum when I just got back from my mission trip. She's a nice lady. According to Ying, she has been encouraging in our relationship. Many many thanks for this. Well, I think I just click with her siblings right away. They are friendly and warmth. I had fun with her bro playin monopoly, which is really cute. Met her daddy. Funny guy, full of humour. Had this wonderful sumptious dinner with the whole family. Her mum show me all her pics from baby time to now. She's just such sweet kid...beautiful kid. I am indeed fortunate to have her by my side. Somehow the pics make me love her even deeper. Sweet.....

Went to her place agin yesterday. Help her sort out some of her piano scores. She feel asleep while lazing on her couch. I was beside her when she rested. I just looked at her....every breath she exhale, every passing moment...i was in such a thankful state. I was mesmerise by her. Words can't describe.

She went for YF later and i waited for her. She went to CG today with me, after her own CG. I wanted to introduce her to my group. We had buffet somewhere at Killiney, and she was nervous abt meeting my bros and sis. Yupp i announce at the table..Jieying is my girlfriend! And of cos alot of questions were shoot for us to answer....haha...Serene ask abt what physical part attracts us to each other...and our answers are, our eyes. Yes I love her eyes, and she love mine too.

Mu heart was filled with what had happened the past 2 days. I have took some of her pics home, a suggestion from her mum. Haha...gonna scan them and do something special and nice. Maybe a section of my room will be dedicated to her and our pics...so much has happened...I am really at lost of words. Just plain happy. So in love with this person. And I know, she loves me as much. Thank God for giving me such a gentle and beautiful person whom i can share my life with.

God, gave us peace. Guide us along. Help us in this walk. Be with us every moment. Teach us the right things. Let us have you in this relationship. We need You.

Jieying, my love, thank you.

( I better sleep now, or else I will be late for church later!!)

I Love Polly

I love Polly.

Goodbye past, hello future.......

Thank you God for giving us peace and joy.

Quiet Sunday

Sunday passed by real quick.

Today we had Holy communion. I was in the worship team today. Wasn't supposed to be in the team but i volunteered to play, since i thought i am free on weekends and have nothin much to do on friday so i went for rehersal on friday night. Glad i make that choice. Diana was playin for us, which is great. Really enjoyed her way with the keyboard. She has such flow.

Halfway thru the set, i broke my bassdrum pedal. Was very sure i didn't hit real hard this time, but it broke anyways. Somehow i wasn't caught off guard, and continue to play like nothin happen. Thank God my trusty Ele Congies were around to make the save. Really glad I didn't took her home. Sermon was really good. Make me reflect on many things.

Had lunch with my CG. Has been awhile since i hang out with them. Really long while. It's fun to be with them again. Didn't watch Superman Return with them as i had already watch it with Polly. Wanted to get that Dr Martens Boots and the acoustic guitar today, but my pay's not in yet. So i went home. Wanted to clear my messy room, but fell asleep instead.

Woke up around eight. Had dinner. Cleared my room. Surf abit of net. Nothin much to do at all. But feel really satisfied cos my room is back to it's original clean state. Went thru some old clothings, realised i have some many cool vintage tees and jeans that i dun wear anymore. But I think they are really cool just the way they are, lying there in the closet. Resemble so much like the vintage clothing stores at HK. Cool.

I had a real quiet sunday. Just very simple and nice. Had good rest. That explains why I am still up. I think of Polly. I think of my friends. I think of things to come. I really like a simple life. But I don't like being alone. Somehow empty.

I want to quickly learn the bass, and practice guitar with Polly. Paige is mad at me, she must have feel bored to be in the case all the time. Haha.

Something weird happened. But I am not gonna blog about it. it bothers me for awhile. Really funny at the same time. Well, hope it's not I thought it is.

I think I am like just waiting for tuesday to come around.

Waiting for the plane to touch down.

Insignificant me

Some significant things to an insignificant me:

. Empty pocky boxes lying on top of my vinyl record player.
. messages in my cell phone.
. Photographs.
. Her house keys.
. Her tertiary student EZ Link card
. Super Lover watch.
. photos in my cell phone.
. time spent waiting.
. uncertainties.
. my memories.
. Her house keys and tertiary student EZ Link card and photographs......
. more memories fromt he past.
. my room, my sanctuary.
. my understanding of the things that occured...
. .....and many more burdens, waiting for me.


Why can't I sent you off in a better manner?